Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 180 is entitled, “Be prepared.” Are your relationships "good enough?" When is "good enough" not going to be good enough? Tonight at The Table we're going to be talking about why you should be prepared for tough times in your relationship(s).
Pull up a seat at the table and join us!
Be Prepared - The Importance of a Solid Relationship
“They’ve changed”
Since they went to college
Since they started dating “x”
Since they started making money
Since they started partying
(other ways we’ve noticed people change)
Money, substances, fame, don’t change you. They make you more of what you are.
Your emotional needs don’t change as your circumstances change
Examples: From a need perspective
Need | Change | Reaction
Security | Lotto | Hyper controlling, fear of loss, frugality
Affection | Relationship | Smothering, demanding, jealous
Attention | Fame | Jealousy, self-promotion, loss of self
Belonging | Bad relationship | Abuse, self-deprecation
Respect | Authority | Hyper controlling, abuse
Your hurts don’t change either.
Hurt | Change | Result
Fear | Money | same as above
Anger | Substance | Rage
Guilt | Fame | Imposter
Self Condemnation | Trauma | Hyper controlling, abuse
Which brings us to the focus on tonight’s talk
Be prepared and have a solid relationship as trauma is coming
“When you say ‘I do’ you have no idea what you’re saying ‘I do’ to”
Examples
Brian & Lex - Financial, Lex’s mom, health?
Eric & Amy - Conception issues
Jay & Rachel - Trey
Did your needs change during your trauma?
Did your hurts change during your trauma?
My (delicate) examples of the couples I’m dealing with right now
Good couples with a “model” marriage
Their hurts/needs are magnified during this time/trauma
They’re playing “catch up”
Good enough is only good enough while things are fine
When tough times hit, the needs don’t go away and the hurts multiply
If you survive the trauma, you won’t be better
You deserve a great intimate relationship beyond wanting to survive trauma
Be Prepared