Affirmation | Episode 185

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 185 is entitled, “Affirmation”. Does anyone in your life lift you up? Is there anyone that reminds you of who you are (in a good way)? When you doubt your abilities, who comes to mind when you remember to believe in yourself?   We’re talking about affirmation tonight at The Table.

Pull up a seat at the table and join us!

Affirmation

1.  Definition

   1. Most dictionary definition’s focus on encouragement and support

   2. At The Table it is telling/reminding one of their positive attributes, characteristics and talents.

2. Purpose

   1. Proactively

      1. Encourages them to achieve more

      2. Builds esteem and confidence

   2. Reactively

      1. Keeps a downward spiral from continuing

      2. Stymies depression

      3. Combats negative “voices” and attacks (both external and internal)

3. Types

   1. Preventative/Constructive - affirmation given ahead of conflict or trauma

      1. Builds up the person to withstand conflict (internal or external)

      2. Gives person the tools to deal with trauma themselves

      3. Provides a general improvement to any given person

   2. Reactive/Restorative

      1. Battles alongside someone in trauma/attack

      2. Gives the person a more accurate view of themselves

      3. Keeps a person from adding fuel to an internal or external fire - this fire may be warranted (they may be attacked for something they’ve actually done but spiraling makes it worse and is not warranted

         1. This is helpful for the individual in trauma

         2. This is helpful for the possibility of reconciliation

   3. Personal

      1. This is for people that you know and have a relationship with

      2. This should be a part of every relationship that you are in

         1. It is not limited to close relationships

         2. However, the closer to you that they are the more affirmation you should be giving them

   4. Public/random

      1. This can be people anywhere

      2. Some examples would be 

         1. Random one off “chance” encounters

         2. This can be people that you begin to have some modicum of a relationship with 

4. Emotional Needs that this meets

   1. Encouragement - by the very definition

   2. Respect - especially given one’s job, skill, or achievements

   3. Appreciation - showing that you value their talent/trait/characteristics and effort

   4. Belonging - within any relationship it shows that you value them

   5. Affection - it shows that you care for the person and have taken time for them

5. Examples

   1. Verbal - spoken messages of affirmation

      1. Pros

         1. Personal, they will remember when and where you said it

         2. The tone of your voice can add impact and power

         3. This will eliminate a lot of confusion and be the most accurate representation of your intent

      2. Cons

         1. Greater potential to be forgotten over time

         2. Can be too much for a shy and lacking in confidence person

         3. Can lead to a back and forth that allows for awkward or counterproductive situations

            1. You get frustrated with them not accepting it

            2. They either feel pressured to receive it or don’t receive it in a way that meets your expectation

   2. Written

      1. Pros

         1. Permanent -assuming that they don't’ throw it away

         2. Can be looked at time and time again

         3. Is a visible reminder of the affirmation given

         4. Can be received on their terms in their time allowing for greater impact

      2. Cons

         1. Not as personal

         2. Can be completely ignored

         3. Could be confused

   3. Literal Examples

      1. Verbal

         1. Sit down, face to face, serious

         2. Phone call in passing or intentional

         3. “Drive by” quick words

      2. Written

         1. Affirmation Bomb

         2. Affirmation Box

         3. Affirmation Notes

         4. Posted affirmation reminders

6. Input from the table - Amy Rayman, Kim - 5 years every Tuesday 2 things that lift them up

   1. Takes the time

   2. Remind her that she's a person

   3. Leads with affirmation then includes negative which validates the positives